Heeyy!! Look at You!!! How ARE You??? Long Time no See!!

Yes I'm back! Did you miss me? Cuz I didnt miss you. What was it four, five days? Ahh who cares. I've been too busy what with dating your sister and cheating on her with your mother. But seriously, you tell both of them you haven't seen me around okay?
So, how are you? How's school? Did you get that thing I sent you? Are you still doing your "paintings"? You really should start doing them again. I like that one with all the brown. It reminds me of that summer we spent in Paris- before I banged your sister. Don't worry though, you're still my girl. My very special girl: Blog. I'm just going through a moment, that's all. I'm discovering myself. I've taken long walks in the woods, I traveled a little more, I talked to God, I banged your sister. Oh, I've also been going to the gym! I'm a little stronger now. I know this because yesterday I lifted a whole dinner tray without throwing up from the pain! Although my liver is starting to hurt...
Hey, did you know? Michael Jackson died. Yeah, it was really sad. Everybody went to his funeral. You were there? Did you see LaToya?? Damn she's hot, isn't she! The other night, I was masturbating to naked pictures of her, but then I kinda had to stop, because I realized she looked so much like Michael, that I didn't know if this meant that I was possibly gay or not..
What? That's not an appropriate thing to say? Well, not at the funeral I guess not. Lucky I wasn't there. Where was I? I was acting in a made-for Walmart-bin, Italian movie called "Angels and Diamonds", a cheap Charlie's Angel's knock-off clone about a director who has no talent. His name is Barilla Boyardee, and he used to be an italian plumber, from the italian side of Brooklyn. In fact, he spent most of the time offset jumping on mushrooms and turtles, and avoiding barrells...
So I hope you sent my condolences to the family for me though, and I hope you also sent my cock-dolences to Mariah Carey.
Well, anyway, you look great, really. Is that a new lipstick? And did you do something with your hair? You look like, ten years younger seriously, Blog! And look at me, I'm so fat now! Jesus, you must think I'm a total cow I'm such a mess! I don't? Really? Aww, you're just saying that! Now you got me all blushing. That bump in my pants? No, it's-a..a.... it's aah, the zipper. Yeah. It's a European design. Wanna feel? Okay, maybe later then. Well, I gotta be off now, you know things to do, people to kill- haha! And-aah, I'm this way so, I'll be off now. But seriously you look good. We should get together sometime you know? You got my facebook? My Twitter? My email? My number? You wanna feel my zipper? Oh I asked you that already.
Siggghh........Ra-ta-da-la-dee-daii. Man this weather hu? Allright, this is my bus soooooyyeeeaah! Talk to you soon then. Right! Oh and remember, tell your sister you never saw me! And your mom should get herself checked. I think I got it from your sister. NAAH I'm only messin' with yah- look at your face, HAHAA! HeeeeEeeEee, is he kidding?............... NAHH I'M KIDDING, look at your face again! Priceless...... Heeeee! *Sniff*, But seriously tell her to get checkedALLRIGHTDOOR'SCLOSINGBYE!!