Monday, July 27, 2009

Z z z zzzzzz........................

Top Ten Reasons I Don't Feel Like Blogging Something:

10) Distracted by release of "Wii Sports Resort", and how much I'm going to get it tomorrow morning..

9) Kate Gosselin started dating the creative right hemisphere of my brain and now all Hell's broken loose*. (*To "Lose" something has one "O", not two; two would make it "Loose" like if you had a loose tooth. Just pretend that "lose" "lost" an "O". Not that I'm addressing anyone in particular, but if I was, I'll change the names for anonymity's sake and call him Davey. Davey Goodberg. Christ Davey, you were my RA, you were supposed to be our example)

8) The orphans that I force to labor in my factory day after day to run the machines that power my brain and feed crumbs to at night are on a "timeout". I don't tolerate crybabies.

7) My fingers have H1N1. And Aids. Which sucks for my thumb, who is already going through a very messy divorce..

6) Who reads old out-fashioned Blogs aymore when the new hot young slut about town is Twitter?

5) My dad made these spaghuetti shells, and now I feel sick. Why? The secret ingredient was Shell gasoline.

4) My keyboard has filed a restraining order due to unwanted repeated physical contact..

3) So I waited outside the office later that night with a bottle of chlorophorm and waited for my keyboard to come out. Once it did, I asfixiated it, knocked it out, dragged it to the back alley, and fucked the shit out of it and sucked the shit out of it's big round Alt keys. I sure love shit! NOW who's the judge!

2) I'm being distracted by a documentary of an apocalyptic destruction our human race could suffer in the future, on the HISTORY channel. Now I'm just confused... and nauseous... but that's from the secret recipe..

And the number one reason I Don't Feel Like Blogging Something:

1) Michael Jackson died. OJ did it.

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